Have you ever lived a lie?
I know I have, and it took me years to figure it out. I lived a lie that demanded my adherence to it. It took energy. It seeped my strength and steeped me in its necessity to maintain a facade. For if I ever revealed the truth, the shame would be so great I could not withstand it. It would crush me. I would be shunned. I would be a pariah.
How could I believe it? Because the lie I believed shrouded me in darkness. It drove me deeper and deeper, away from the truth and from God’s Light. Because of that, I had built an entire defense system of walls and weapons. Stories to support what I believed to be the truth about me… about who I was… about how the world would see me should the truth come out.
Romans 16:17
I urge you, brothers and sisters, to watch out for those who cause divisions and put obstacles in your way that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Keep away from them.
Why did I live like this? FEAR!
Fear is a powerful tool. It makes you see the world through a different lens, in a radically distorted light. Fear is Satan’s tool, and he uses it effectively. Yet the truth will set you free if you only choose to pursue it and accept it. My fault was that I did not know how to do either and was not strong enough to go to someone else.
Satan is the father of lies. There is no truth in him.
John 8:44(b)
When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies.
When Fear Rules You… You believe a Lie.
At eighteen years of age, I was told a lie by someone I trusted, who was a Christian leader in our church. Whose guidance I trusted, for I was young, both as an individual and as a Christian as well. I was a baby Christian, having accepted Christ only two and a half years earlier.
Jeremiah 9:3
“They make ready their tongue like a bow, to shoot lies; it is not by truth that they triumph in the land. They go from one sin to another; they do not acknowledge me,” declares the LORD.
I didn’t know any different. I trusted the leaders of our youth group. Little did I know that what they said was a lie. I thought it to be the truth.
What was I told? It was that God rejected me.
Why did God reject me?
Because after being baptized by immersion, I did not speak in tongues. This Christian leader insisted that if I was a true believer. For if I had truly confessed my sins, repented, and accepted Christ as my Savior and Lord, I would be given the gift of tongues. This gift would be an outward sign of what had happened internally.
Sure, I could have tried to fake it… but I could not bring myself to do that. Instead, I believed what I was told, that God had rejected me. The absence of that one gift was a sign of my rejection.
My Mistake.
Yes, it was a lie and I should have seen it for what it was, but as a young Christian, I believed what I was told. That was a huge MISTAKE.
What I should have done was go to the WORD of God, and see for myself what God had to say about the gift of tongues. But, I had no idea where to go… how to find out. The Bible I had did not have a concordance. There was no internet to search.
But there were other people I should have gone to, just to make sure. However, that would have meant revealing what I’d been told. What I believed to be the truth. I could not bring myself to do that. I was the only member of my family who had become a Christian, so I could not go to my parents.
Living a Lie… But God is Merciful
So, I was left to believe a lie. A lie I lived with and tried to hide for thirteen years. Until God, in his mercy and in his relenting pursuit of me, finally got through to me. I heard the truth… I finally heard the truth.
Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.
You cannot imagine the watershed of relief I felt. It freed me from the torture of the lie to a life free of it. A life free to live for Christ, who loved me and had not rejected me. For the Savior who had pursued me to make sure that I was HIS.
Journey of Faith
It is this journey of faith that has spurred me to write about God’s unrelenting pursuit of me. All because he loves me. I believed a lie and lived in its shadow for many years. But God showed me the truth and brought me into His LIGHT! The Light of His Truth!
So, I am trying to live the truth and show it to others. My desire is for others to see and live in Christ’s Light of TRUTH. To have freedom from the slavery of lies. Lies of this world and, most importantly, Satan’s lies.
Psalms 119:105
Your word is a lamp for my feet, a light on my path.
Life in Christ is a life of freedom. Trust God, for He will transform your life.
Blessings
Jana
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